Coming on the heels of another Mars movie, Mission to Mars, Red Planet already had a leg up on its predecessor. Mission to Mars was so awful that it was almost inconceivable that Red Planet could be any worse. To be honest, however, Red Planet came close. It came painfully close.

Featuring cardboard acting, trivial romance, silly sideplots, and special effects that seem to have been made on a 486 class computer, Red Planet is much more boring and stupid than it could have been. I don't understand how both Mars films this year could be so awful when the planet itself is very intriguing. Here's a suggestion: capitalize on the natural wonders of the planet rather than fictional attempts to capitalize on its earth-like qualities. Mars doesn't have to always be seen as an eventual conquest by the human race, it could be just a celestial wonder where humans are drawn to it out of curiosity rather than necessity.

Instead, Red Planet chooses the route that has been traversed dozens of times before, becoming another special effects showcase for future human colonization. The special effects, however, are dull and two-dimensional. The one element of the film that works is AMEE, the robot that malfunctions and attempts to cripple the crew's mission once they crash land on the planet's surface. Her actions are silly, her entire existence seems to have almost no purpose - except that she looks good. The fire, the planet's surface, and the spacecraft all look horrible. Indeed, I can imagine no modern Hollywood budget possibly giving birth to creations on the computer like these.

I can also not imagine no Hollywood studio supplying the budget for a script that is like this. Obviously relying on the starpower of half-stars like Val Kilmer, Carrie-Ann Moss, and Tom Sizemore was their plan. Unfortunately, three half-stars does not equal one regular star. Even better, they should have known that no script this silly, this painfully bad, could ever turn out to be a decent fall science fiction action flick.

The action becomes so dreadfully redundant that it resorts to cheap attempts at humor. In the film's climactic ascent, Val Kilmer looks at the surface of Mars and says, "F**k this planet," as he blasts off. If that doesn't inspire unintended laughter in the audience, I don't know what will. Also inspiring unintended laughter is the entire romantic angle taken on the story. It's completely unnecessary, does nothing to enhance the dramatic impact of the storyline, and also provides the audience with another way to pronounce this movie as one of the worst of the year.

I do admit, it is better than Brian De Palma's Mission to Mars. Unlike the duo of A Bug's Life and Antz from several years ago, the red planet duo offers nothing new to the table except new lows of cinematic boredom and cliche.

On a scale of 1 to 10 power converters : 3